Have you ever noticed how a single comment can either build someone up or completely deflate them? What if you could be the reason someone starts believing in themselves again?
I’ll never forget the day my younger brother—once a confident, playful boy—came home unusually quiet. A teacher had made a thoughtless remark about his abilities, and that single moment became a shadow he carried for months. Watching him retreat into self-doubt lit a fire in me: I needed to understand how we can genuinely help people reclaim their confidence.
This article is the product of that journey—blending personal experience, expert interviews, and actionable techniques. It’s not just about cheering someone up; it’s about helping them rebuild how they see themselves.
Why Self-Esteem Matters More Than We Think
Low self-esteem isn’t just a fleeting emotion—it’s a chronic undercurrent that can impact mental health, decision-making, relationships, and even career paths. According to the National Health Service (NHS), prolonged low self-esteem can lead to anxiety, depression, and harmful behaviours like avoidance or people-pleasing.
Psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff explains, “Self-worth is foundational. Without it, the rest of our emotional world becomes unstable.”
That’s why raising someone’s self-esteem is more than a kind gesture—it’s a potentially life-changing intervention.
Understand the Root of Low Self-Esteem
1. It’s Not Always Obvious
People with low self-esteem often appear fine on the outside. They might joke about themselves, brush off compliments, or over-apologise. These are all signals of internalised insecurity.
2. Origins Can Be Deep
From harsh parenting to bullying or repeated failure, there’s often a backstory. Before we jump in to “fix” someone, we must acknowledge the complexity of their experiences. As Brene Brown puts it, “Empathy has no script. There is no right way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of ‘You’re not alone.'”
How to Raise Someone’s Self-Esteem: Real Tactics That Work
1. Use Specific, Genuine Praise
Forget vague compliments. “You’re smart” is nice, but “The way you explained that concept so clearly shows how well you understand it” carries far more weight. Praise that’s tied to effort or uniqueness feels more authentic and less dismissive.
Personal Note: I once told a student I was mentoring that her ability to ask the right questions made her a natural leader. Her entire posture changed—it was as though she was seeing herself in a new light for the first time.
2. Be a Mirror for Their Strengths
People often don’t see their own strengths. Be the mirror that reflects them back. Is your friend always the one to check in on others? Tell them how rare and valuable that trait is. Use real examples to show them their impact.
3. Celebrate Progress, Not Just Results
A person struggling with low self-esteem may find big goals overwhelming. Celebrate the process—“I noticed how you kept going even when it got tough. That resilience is impressive.” This reinforces a growth mindset.
4. Encourage Healthy Boundaries
Teaching someone to say “no” can be a game-changer. People with low self-esteem often become chronic accommodators. Encourage them to protect their time and energy—and applaud them when they do.
5. Avoid Toxic Positivity
Telling someone to “just believe in yourself” when they’re in a mental rut can backfire. Instead, validate how they feel while gently offering a different perspective. For example: “I know it’s hard to feel good about yourself right now. But I’ve seen you tackle difficult things before—and I believe in that version of you.”
6. Share Resources (Without Being Preachy)
Sometimes, an article, podcast, or book can spark inner change. Gently offer what helped you. For example:
“This TED Talk by Guy Winch on emotional hygiene gave me a whole new perspective—thought you might find it helpful too.”
Expert-Backed Techniques to Reinforce Confidence
Cognitive Reframing (CBT)
Therapist-backed approaches like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) often focus on reframing negative beliefs. While you’re not their therapist, you can model this. If someone says, “I always mess things up,” ask, “Is that really true every time? Or are there times you handled things well?”
According to a 2022 meta-analysis published in Behaviour Research and Therapy, CBT-based techniques showed a 40% improvement in self-esteem among adults within 8–12 weeks.
The “Confidence Jar” Technique
This is a real-world method that’s gained traction in coaching circles. Keep a jar (or notes app) where you and the person record small wins or compliments they receive. On rough days, they can revisit it as a mental reset.
Volunteer Together
Research by Harvard Health reveals that volunteering not only benefits others but improves the self-worth of the volunteer. Doing good together fosters a shared sense of value and capability.
Common Pitfalls to Avoid
- Don’t dismiss their feelings. Saying “You’re overreacting” invalidates their reality.
- Don’t make it about you. This is not the time to share how you overcame everything. Share selectively and only to serve their growth.
- Don’t try to ‘rescue’ them. Empower them to act; don’t do everything for them.
Real Voices: What Helped Them Most
“I struggled with imposter syndrome for years. One thing that helped was a friend who kept pointing out how my work helped others. Over time, I started to believe it myself.” – Amira, Freelance Designer
“My coach told me to write down three things I did well every night. It felt silly at first, but after a month, my inner critic finally quieted down.” – Liam, Uni Student
FAQs
What’s the fastest way to boost someone’s confidence?
There’s no magic fix—but specific, effort-based praise can have an instant impact.
Can you raise someone’s self-esteem without them knowing?
Yes, through subtle reinforcement of their value, modelling confidence, and validating their emotions.
Is it possible to say the wrong thing?
Absolutely. Avoid clichés and empty reassurances. Focus on authenticity and empathy.
What if they push you away?
Respect their space, but leave the door open. Sometimes people need time to receive encouragement.
Final Thoughts: Becoming a Confidence Catalyst
You don’t need to be a psychologist to make a difference. With intention, empathy, and patience, you can help someone see themselves more clearly—and more kindly.
It starts with noticing. Then naming. Then nurturing.
We all have the power to raise each other up. So here’s my question to you:
Who could use a little more belief in themselves today? And what’s one thing you’ll say to help them see it?
If this resonated with you, share your thoughts below or pass it on—someone might need it today.
Make sure to check our mind category for more related blogs.
